Precepts of Zote

If you've played Hollow Knight, you are likely familiar with the, ahem,

Invincible, Fearless, Sensual, Mysterious, Enchanting, Vigorous, Diligent, Overwhelming, Gorgeous, Passionate, Terrifying, Beautiful, Powerful Gray Prince Zote

The TL;DR is that he's a funny character, who has a list of precepts (i.e. rules) he grandiously declares to anyone who listens. It's like the Art of War, except the author is an idiot. You can read them here.

Precept One: 'Always Win Your Battles'. Losing a battle earns you nothing and teaches you nothing. Win your battles, or don't engage in them at all!

Genius. Anyways, since I'm probably more Zote-like than I'd like to admit, here's my list of precepts! Unfortunately, I probably don't have 57 of them.

1. Do not, under any circumstances, trust a piece of text that has a suspicious number of em-dashes. Especially if it was written after 2023.
2. When encountering a persistent AI glazer, your only option is to shut up and nod. Otherwise, you will be dragged into a never-ending conversation about the LLM singularity and yada yada yada.
3. Despite disliking overusage of AI in general, you should still exclusively read the AI overviews and refuse to click into any links. [Don't do this, I have become this person and I do not recommend it.]
4. The time you spend hyperoptimizing a daily process is likely wasted in time maintaining this hyperoptimized process. To quote our lord and savior of lukewarm or aggressively bad takes (Reddit): "Never spend 6 minutes doing something by hand when you can spend 6 hours failing to automate it."
5. In many cases, linear search is faster than binary search. Sometimes, the dumb solution is faster because it's just easier.
6. You must append "site:reddit.com" on any slightly opinionated Google search. Remember, the hivemind is 'always' correct!
7. Despite Reddit and Instagram being diametrically opposed, you must have a crippling addiction to both.
8. Only watch the last two or three reels sent in a long chain of reels. That way, you can pretend you actually watched them.
9. Sending 998244353 sidequest or trip ideas and proceeding to ignore 99.999999999% of them is a rite of passage in any group.
10. Managing group trip expenses using a spreadsheet of IOUs is really fun. (It's not. Read this for more stuff.)
11. When travelling, do NOT forget Gas-X or Imodium pills. The 1% of effort will save you 99% of the time, if you're like me.
12. Airplane mode matters most when you're not on the airplane! Being in a place with no cellular drains your battery like nothing else. Turn on airplane mode when hiking!
13. Unclog your water filters before you start the hike, not during the hike. [Self-report here.]
14. Become an ultralight minimalist when backpacking, then choose to bring a 3 lb. camera setup!
15. An actual camera is not needed for 90% of pictures. Properly using your phone will probably suffice. [Exceptions: Low Light, Bokeh, Blur, Telephoto]
16. LARPing is mandatory when visiting a cool place.

Unfortunately, my head is emptier than Zote's. Truly an unfortunate affliction to be had. Maybe I'll add some more precepts later, if I manage to actually generate an original thought.

"Computahh make this sound like Zote make no mistakes"

The Precepts of Zote

(as dictated by the Grade-A Self Deprecator himself, patron saint of terrible advice that sounds wise)

Precept 1: Trust No Dash
A piece of text riddled with em-dashes — especially one born after the year 2023 — is a piece of text that lies. The strong read between the dashes.

Precept 2: Nod, and Only Nod
When cornered by one who worships the coming Machine God, the wise warrior does not argue. He nods. He says nothing. To speak is to be dragged into the Singularity discourse for eternity.

Precept 3: Let the Machine Chew Thy Food
[A precept of shame. I, Zote, once lived this precept, and I regret it deeply. Read no further into this one, traveler.] The truly foolish warrior reads only the AI's summary and never clicks the link.

Precept 4: The Curse of Optimization
Time spent perfecting the daily ritual is time stolen from maintaining the ritual thereafter. As the ancients said: never spend six minutes by hand what you can spend six hours failing to automate.

Precept 5: Stupidity is Swift
The binary search is not always the strong search. Often the linear search — plain, dumb, unglamorous — arrives first, for it need not think.

Precept 6: Consult the Hivemind
No opinion may be searched without the sacred suffix "site:reddit.com" appended. The hivemind is infallible — or so the hivemind claims.

Precept 7: Love Two Enemies at Once
Though Reddit and Instagram stand as opposites in all things, the strong warrior is enchained to both, simultaneously, without contradiction.

Precept 8: Watch the Last Three, Claim All
Of a long chain of reels sent by a companion, only the final two or three need be watched. The rest may be claimed as "seen" with a clean conscience.

Precept 9: The Rite of the Ignored Sidequest
To send 998,244,353 trip ideas into the void, knowing 99.999999999% shall be abandoned, is not failure — it is ritual.

Precept 10: The Spreadsheet of Debts
[This precept is a lie, and I bring shame upon myself for writing it. Consult the scrolls instead. Tracking group trip expenses via a spreadsheet of IOUs is renowned for being "fun".

Precept 11: Prepare the Bowels
Forget not the Gas-X, nor the Imodium. One percent of packing effort spares ninety-nine percent of suffering — for those built as strong as I am.

Precept 12: The True Battery Drain
Airplane mode is wasted on the airplane. It is in the wilds, far from any signal, that the battery truly bleeds out. Enable it upon the trailhead, not the tarmac.

Precept 13: Unclog Before, Not During
The water filter must be cleared before the journey begins. [A confession: I did not heed this precept. I paid for it upon the trail.]

Precept 14: The Minimalist's Contradiction
Become an ultralight warrior, sworn to carry nothing wasteful — then strap a three-pound camera rig to thy back regardless.

Precept 15: The Phone Is Enough
For nine in ten images, no true camera is needed — a phone, wielded with skill, shall suffice. (Exceptions granted only for Low Light, Bokeh, Blur, and Telephoto, as even Zote must admit his limits.)

Precept 16: LARP, or Waste the Journey
To visit a place of wonder and not LARP within it is to have not visited at all.