Linkedinese

Linkedinese

Hey, how do you say 'I changed a lightbulb' in Linkedinese?

Surely this couldn't get too crazy, right?

💡 Thrilled to share a recent hands-on experience in problem-solving and operational efficiency. Today, I identified a key infrastructure component in need of optimization — a non-functional light source. After assessing the situation and aligning with safety protocols, I proactively executed a replacement strategy.

This seemingly small task reflects the importance of agility, attention to detail, and continuous improvement in any environment. Let’s keep illuminating the path forward. 🌟

#Leadership #Operations #Efficiency #ContinuousImprovement #InnovationInAction

Of course it's like that.

Why do people on LinkedIn talk like that?

For starters, I was motivated by seeing this absurd post on LinkedIn:

𝗡𝗼 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻 𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗺🙂

Hello friends,

I am looking for an 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗻𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝗮𝗹 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺𝗺𝗲𝗿 to join our team for CodeSprint LA which will happen on 18th May.

We are already two members in the team, and the team size is 3 people. But we are facing a funny problem 😅 — no one wants to join us.

Many people say: 👉 “𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗺 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗼𝗼 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱.” 👉 “𝗜 𝗮𝗺 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘀𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗲𝗱 𝗲𝗻𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘁𝗼 𝗷𝗼𝗶𝗻.” 👉 “𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗴𝘂𝘆𝘀 𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗲 𝗮 𝗯𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗺𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗲.”

Here is some feedback we received:

❌ "hi unfortunately i’m not skilled enough to join your team :("

❌ "Hello! Thank you for the request! Unfortunately, I already have a full team... We are also a group of middle schoolers, and aren't as good as you are...

Okay, this is actually absurd. And once again, why are there so many emojis?!

I would assume that there are three key factors to why people write in a style that almost seems like a caricature of corporate speak.

Part 1: Corporate Lingo

What do we think of when we think of the word corporation?

Well, unless you're some delusional HR worker (or an office manager), you probably think of the following words:

• Cold
• Sterile
• Two-faced
• Boring
• Pandering

Why is that? Okay, obviously a big part of it is in how corporations treat us. Well, and also the general monotony associated with white-collar work. But I think another part of it lies in how corporations choose to communicate with us. Like, can you imagine an actual person saying this?

The intent is to provide players with a sense of pride and accomplishment for unlocking different heroes.

As for cost, we selected initial values based upon data from the Open Beta and other adjustments made to milestone rewards before launch. Among other things, we're looking at average per-player credit earn rates on a daily basis, and we'll be making constant adjustments to ensure that players have challenges that are compelling, rewarding, and of course attainable via gameplay.

We appreciate the candid feedback, and the passion the community has put forth around the current topics here on Reddit, our forums and across numerous social media outlets.

Our team will continue to make changes and monitor community feedback and update everyone as soon and as often as we can.

This is per the EA Community Team, and is currently the most downvoted comment on Reddit. Given that this is EA, it's no surprise that the exigence for this wonderful response is due to EA once again choosing to price gouge their audience. Classic corporation.

Anyways, corporations typically choose to write in the most bland, inoffensive style possible. This is no surprise: they're a corporation, not a blog! The side effect is that everything they say sounds super disingenuous. Like, if you were to say sorry to someone, would you write it like this?

Hey [Name],

I wanted to reach out and take full accountability for the recent communication breakdown that occurred between us. Upon internal reflection and post-mortem analysis, it’s clear that my actions did not align with the shared KPIs of mutual respect and basic decency.

While my intent was rooted in an agile and proactive mindset, the execution fell short of stakeholder expectations — namely, yours. That’s on me.

Moving forward, I’m committed to leveraging this feedback as a catalyst for personal growth. I've already onboarded a new internal initiative titled “Being Less of a Jerk v2.0,” and I’m confident it will produce more scalable outcomes in our future interactions.

Thanks for your patience during this unplanned turbulence. I’m optimistic about the potential for recalibrated synergy.

All the best,

[Your Name]

Embracing accountability. Empowering reconciliation.

No, you wouldn't. At least, I really hope no one is writing to others like this.

Part 2: LinkedIn Culture

People use LinkedIn to advertise themselves to employers. Like, LinkedIn is quite literally social media for companies, just like Instagram is for pictures... and unhinged reels... and a lot more content that Meta should really take more effort into banning. But that's just an afterthought.

Anyways, when people advertise themselves, they typically choose to show the best parts of themselves. Often times, this leads to people stretching the truth to its limits, resulting in absurd descriptions for often mundane actions.

Also, being a platform for those seeking employment, it's only natural that hustle-culture would be prevalent. I mean, why wouldn't it? All the people on LinkedIn want to get jobs, so motivational content is pretty much bound for success.

The issue is that this type of content has been fed into a positive feedback loop, resulting in straight up insanity.

Part 3: ChatGPT

I'm going to make a bit of a broad claim: most people can't write in Linkedinese. It's really hard to write in that perfectly sterile, motivational, and satirical sounding tone.

Now, what can write like that? ChatGPT! It's known for writing in a sterile fashion, and has no sense of shame in writing the most cringeworthy sentences to grace the internet. In addition, GPT loves adding in hashtags and emojis when it writes.

Another part of this has to do with language: English is the de-facto language of the internet, and is basically the only one you will see on LinkedIn. Of course, not everyone in the world is fluent in English: per some Googling, only around 20% of the global population can speak English. Of course, writing English is a completely different task: writing understandable English is hard enough, and tacking on the LinkedIn tone makes it even harder.

Thus, people turn to ChatGPT, which has, in my opinion, accelerated the prominence of the so-called LinkedIn speak.

Conclusion

To be honest, I still don't know why people feel compelled to write in Linkedinese. Okay, if you're describing positions you have held, fine. Selling yourself is a key part in landing any job. However, why do people choose to write blog posts like that? That part still bewilders me.