Friends

How do two people mutually come to the conclusion that they are friends?

Okay, there are obviously cases where the answer is really obvious. Yes, if you hit it off with someone in kindergarten, and your parents set up playdates every weekend for a decade, you were probably friends during that period. However, in an increasingly busy world with increasingly complex nuances when it comes to communicating, this fine line becomes blurred.

The thing that inspired me was Instagram's "Close Friends" filter, which I think most people who use Instagram are familiar with: people who want to share more personal content want to share it to a group of people who, you know, actually know them.

Here's the thing: a lot of people are very generous when it comes to who they're willing to put on the filter. Like, I've seen people put me on the Close Friends list even if we've only had one or two conversations before! In situations like these, the line between acquaintance and friend is a bit unclear, especially if you don't know how liberally they apply this filter.

At least for me, the question of if I consider someone a friend—outside of obvious cases—boils down to this: do they consider me a friend? Because, to me, it would kind of hurt if someone I considered a friend didn't feel the same way, and vice versa. This is probably way overthinking it, but that's just the way I function.

I think my tendency to frame many interactions through this lense is sometimes a bit problematic, because it usually results in me psychologically closing off myself to some extent. Which is probably not great for my social life!

As for people who I can unambiguously determine to be a friend, I think I have a rough idea of when this is pretty clear? I feel like anyone who I've consistently hung out with, or otherwise spent time outside of classes/other is pretty obviously an example of this. Also, I think having an actual conversation that doesn't just revolve around the medium of which you've met this person definitely helps.

This is probably something that most sane people don't even bother thinking about. Or maybe it is, and I'm not as dumb as I think I am. I dunno.